People say ‘I love all my children differently’. I totally agree with this. It’s not that you love one more or less than the others, but you love them in different ways and for different reasons.
As well as our son, we also have two daughters. I love my eldest daughter because she is kind, dependable and reliable; because she is creative, clever and sensible. Because she is mature for her age and she is a natural carer. I also love her because she is the mirror image of my husband and when we watch trashy TV together we laugh at the same stupid things and do simultaneous *eye rolls* at irritating people.
I love our younger daughter because she is my baby. Because she is the third child I so desperately wanted and we took a big risk having her, because of our son’s autism (our first daughter was already born before our son was diagnosed). Because she is a little bit wild, like her crazy curly hair that is never neat. Because she is a natural risk taker and likes to shock people to get a reaction. These lists could go on and on….I’m sure you get my drift.
When you have a child with additional needs, the love you feel is different again. It is a love that takes your breath away, quite literally. It is a bond you cannot even begin to describe to anyone unless they are in the same situation. I’m not saying it is stronger than the love you feel for your other children – it is just totally and utterly different. Why? Because it has to be. Because it is a love that will push you to your boundaries both mentally and physically, right to the end of your life. Because it is a love that will require you to make every decision for your child. Because, in my case, it is a love that requires me to be my son’s voice. And that is huge. Massive. All consuming. That’s why it has to be different.